The Single Woman's Plight

When I was a little girl and a teenager I looked up to women who had careers and goals. I often would fantasize about being an adult and in my young mind I thought children held people back. I watched my mother struggle with us and those around me struggle with theirs and at 12 years old I decided I didn't want that in my life. I rarely saw my mother happy and oftentimes I wondered if we were the root of it, of course years late I realized that we kept her going but children have a limited view of things. Most of my friends were fatherless or didn't have a male influence so in my world it was the normal atmosphere to live in. For years I conditioned my mind to look at men as weak, inferior and I also said marriage would never be for me. As a product of divorce, dysfunction and confusion I created my own sense of normalcy. My normal would be a quiet, single life, I had dreams of college and a career. At 23 when I began really living for God my views changed, a lot of MY past emotions and ideas changed as well. 23 was the last time I dated, 23 was the last time I was in a relationship and that's been about four years. I am now the career woman I wanted to be at 12... I am single minus kids but it isn't as glamorous or as amazing as my 12 year old mind assume it would be. Yes my house is quiet (minus the yapping chihuahua) yes I can have what I want for dinner and not worry about feeding another mouth or being awoken in the middle of the night. Yes I could clean up, come home and everything will stay in its proper place for days, weeks on end... But a part of me sometimes wants noise, a part of me wants to clean up a mess, a part of me doesn't want to leave my home when it's dark and return when it's dark only to repeat the same routine day in and day out. A part of me doesn't want to take out trash... Don't get me wrong being single has its perks! I can plan a vacation, an outing or schedule my time without consulting another human and I can sleep in or go to bed when I feel like it but there comes a time where I think we all long for intimacy, companionship or just someone to make decisions with. Many single women put up a front, we use the "we don't need a man" slogan or the "I am fine" statement. Thing is that it's alright to desire companionship, it isn't being thirsty, it's NATURAL!  Now if that's your only focus it can throw you off but it's ok to want a family and kids... It's also ok not to want one. Point that I'm making is that we look at others lives and highlight reels not knowing their everyday struggle! You certainly do not want mine and I now realize that I do not want anyone else's! Everyone struggles, we all have a secret pain or longing. Let's stop letting others throw our focus off with their highlight reels and facades of grandeur because outside of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram we all have less than perfect days. The single woman struggles, the married ones do too and although our struggles are different we have something in common: we are all just trying to be happy! One day I will be married and become a wife and mother... I never want to forget these moments or this time I have for myself now. I want to be able to connect and understand the plight of a single woman and I never want to be out of touch. 

CDJ ❤️