Current Status

Last day of 2013... It has been a rough one. From newness, to flooding (literally) to confusion, to heart ache. From finding out things about myself I dislike, to realizing God has a bigger plan for my life than I can see. From favor to blessings and trying to figure out what I did to deserve this grace. From sunshine and laughter to late night tears, prayer and sacrifice. I left my comfort zone and everything that made me feel secure. I left the only home I really ever knew... But I'm so very different than the girl I was at this point last year. I can pay my bills on my own, I can afford to do things and go places I could only dream of last year. I've literally seen the hand of God cover, protect and guide. I've literally watched him open doors and shut them. I've literally spent nights crying out to him because I couldn't figure out what the next day was going to hold. I've waivered in my faith when things got shaky but he stood firm. I literally got on my knees and told God that I didn't understand how others could sail through life while every single step I've taken has been long and rough. For the first time in my walk with him I didn't walk away, I wanted to give up and say I'm DONE but he wouldn't let me. Everything I set out to do this year has happened but not without a battle. It's been exactly 6 months since I left home and although I've had moments where I've questioned why I'm constantly reminded of the days I couldn't get out of bed... The nights I spent restless, unfullfilled and angry. A year ago I had nothing, no job and I prayed to God to just at least give me one where I could make minimum wage. I now make double that, I have my own office, a position that can wreck my nerves and people who drive me mad but I'll stop complaining. One day I know I'll work for myself and that he's got plans to make that happen but in this season I am learning contentment. I think I've cried more in the past two months than usual because of discomfort and just being out of my zone. It's a fight to stay focused on the fact that I have to move forward... It's a fight not to run back to my comfort zone and just "be." Learning to fight which is uncomfortable because I hate fighting, I hate struggle and I hate adversity. I can't be defeated so 2014 I'm ready for Round 2! I'm well equipped and though tears are falling I can't be pushed around by "life" anymore.